June 2003

so yeah, it's been a good week… and interesting sometimes.

monday, hmm… what did i do monday? i know i had class and all, which was probably no big deal. but i don't remember what i did really afterwards… same goes for tuesday i think. i've played a lot of frisbee golf and i lost the raquetball tourney. Steve beat me and I'm gonna forfeit the loser's bracket game, i don't really have time. no, i remember tuesday a little at least, we went up to Horsetooth (Resivour) – Me, Mark, Kelly, Denise, Jordan, Gabe… umm a few others too – i'm still having a hard time with names. Carrie called while i was there, we talked for a while and talked more when i got back. we got through some more not fun but completely necissary stuff. i don't really think i like it, but it's needed. some of the warm fuzzies are back, and i really do love her and like her alot, but the absolute surity of our relationship isn't there really, but it's okay. it's probably more realistic and all, but not as romantic or fun or whatever. things still aren't easy, we'll just put it that way.

wednesday i know. i had class just like the other days but i also had worship team practice and then… dun dun dun a show! worship team practice went well, we got the songs down relatively quickly and we did them well. i came back here and did some homework – okay so i read enough to get the homework done in the class before it the next day, whatever. then Jeremy and I went to Boulder, we took Gabe's box on wheels it was fun, the wind was catching it and it was a standard and just all sorts of fun stuff. the show was good but pretty expensive. it was Demon Hunter, Extol, the Agony Scene and another band that i don't know. it was stinkin $13 though! well, we'd driven an hour so we did go in. i danced for TAS and then again for DH. it was wierd, i was for real, the hardest dancer there… there were a bunch of 'slam dance' kids jumping around and ramming into people, but i was tearing it up. i met 3 kids from Boulder 2 of which have been added to my LJ friends list <lj user="unwavering"> & <lj user="mycitylights">. James and the Johns – I think I may call them the Sons of Thunder, were very cool, very 'welcoming' if that's the right word for hardcore. it was a good time. John's dad used to be on staff with CCC but is now a pastor in the Boulder area… good times. Some of us will be going back down for the Evergreen Terrace show.

Oh, and I have a new show scar. I was dancing, doing what I call the elbow pull, well, when i was pulling back across my face with my left hand, my watch hand, a kid who was right in front of me pushed back real quick and my watch caught on the bridge of my nose and cut it. oh well, i have my MPD picture this weekend. and, it was during the last song of the headlining band.

thursday was ummm… yeah. we got back from the show at about 2 and i had to be up and downstairs by 6:20 (yes, AM). i was up and down there just fine, but really really really tired. sound check went well, worship team went well everything went well but i was really really tired. i made it though. i also did my last two surveys for the Doctrine Survey class. i talked to my dad and Derek. i thought i was going to end up using Derek's interview for the bulk of the report but i didn't. we had to write on conflicts between one of the surveys and what the Bible teaches on doctrine, well Derek had most stuff right on; while my dad was super-off on a lot of non-essentials. so yeah, i wrote it on my dad's answers. i talked to Carrie, got some things off my chest that have been bothering me a bit and was asleep by about 11 after reading for the next days class.

wait. no, maybe i did the interviews on Tuesday. i dunno. maybe Horsetooth was Monday, yeah, I think that's the ticket. I wrote the paper last night. i'm on crack and i just confused everyone that's reading this.

i guess that brings us to today. class – last day of class, obligatory Alice Cooper. turned in paper. worked on final project due Monday. today afterwards i – played frisbee golf, met with the guy teaching the Doctrine class (we talked a lot about movies, and Tolkien) and went swing dancing. Dancing was fun, I was in the mid range of people there. the regulars were obvious and the newbies as well. I just have to say that the styles from the 30s and 40s are seriously attractive! The hair, the styles of dresses, just the whole thing is – wow. Team that up with good tattoos… yeah. I had fun, but the previous 3 sentences are also what caused me to not have fun too. I just didn't feel right there. I felt like dancing with girls, even girls from training that know that I have a girlfriend and there's obviously no attraction made me feel wrong, like I was cheating somehow, even though I know I wasn't; but if I didn't dance – well, why would I go if I don't plan on dancing and I payed for it… yeah. It was just this wierd catch 22 that I didn't feel good about either way. I need to seriously resolve some things. I feel unready… yeah that's probably the right word, but I want to be.

yeah, i think i'm just confused. well, test in less than 8 hours and i seriously need a shower, so i am going to go to bed now.

Bloody Bloody Death Death